Monday - Embrace Paleness?

Since I’ve stopped tanning I’ve been seeing endless articles about other people embracing their pale complexions. I don’t know if I will ever be that brave. Paleness to me equates dull skin, pink blotches and hair colors that never quite go. The idea of pale and proud is certainly an ideal state to be in, I just don’t know if I’m secure enough to do it. Obviously, it would great for everyone to just love their skin color no matter what it happens to be. In my fairytale land of dreams this would be true. I applaud all of you who have embraced your skin and never looked back. I am in awe of your strength and self-assurance. When I think of being pale it almost prompts a panic attack. How will people view me after? Will I still be thought of as pretty? Does my hair color have to change? What clothes can I wear? etc. etc. I’m trying to mull all of this over and see if I can compromise. To be pale or not to be pale. That is the question.

It’s Saturday - Back from out of town.

I just got in from out of town and I have to say that it seems like tanning salons are even more abundant in other places than where I live. It also seems clear to me that I am not the last of the sun worshipers. I crossed many a bronzed beauties while shopping the street of Montreal. I felt a pang of jealousy as each one passed. Why can she tan, and I can not? The answer is that I promised to take better care of myself. If I had promised only myself, then it wouldn’t be so bad, but I promised my husband as well. I can’t break my word. So I have a minor orange glow about me, but my husband says I’m beautiful. (of course he has to say that).

I’m still liking the Fake Bake products, and I’ve also been happy with Biotherm’s results, it’s just that it’s a pain in the butt. Tonight I will be dreaming of warm sun lamps.

Day 4 (Tuesday) Testing…

For the record my tanning products made it into the garbage and yes, the garbage was taken out. How sad.

But I was rewarded. I got to do my second favorite thing and that’s shop!

I’m testing self tanners and so far I love Fake Bake and Biotherm. No orange. Now is the question, how long do they last? I’m also noting for the record that having to carefully apply self tanner and waiting to dry is not at all fun and I’m dreaming of that warm tanning bed as we speak.

Day 2 (Sunday) Not Renewing my Tanning Minutes.

I sat on the edge of my bed trying to muster up the courage to throw out my tanning lotion. I tried to reason with myself saying “It’ll be a good body lotion.” The trouble with that is whenever I see, smell or use the lotion, I will want to go tanning. So I eventually got up the nerve to toss it. (Approx. 25 minutes later). But will I take out the garbage today?

Day 1 (Saturday) The decision.

My tanning package is almost up and I have half a bottle of very expensive lotion in the cupboard. I was thinking, I need to hit the salon.

I picked up a magazine and ironically flipped to yet another article about cancer. It’s not that I maintain an adolescent attitude that “It won’t happen to me.” It’s more “I’ll stop when I’m ready and now is not the time.” That’s when it hit me…sort of. It wasn’t like a ton of bricks, more like the slow trickle of water that eventually splits the stone. I need to stop.

2 weeks ago I went into the salon to go for a tan when the owner cheerfully greeted me and asked “are you here for a service, or just a tan?” To which I replied, “Just a tan,” and went on my merry way.

Now I’m thinking, “Just a tan?” Like it is the most normal thing in the world to slather yourself in lotion and go bake in an oven for 20 minutes. And PAY for it!

I’ll admit, it’s not the cancer that really has me spooked, it’s more superficial than that. It si the not aging gracefully that has me turning in my lotion and goggles.